Blocking Friwnds Oe Damil

Saying “you’re sorry” constantly to anyone for anything even if there isn’t anything to be sorry for. You’re sorry for being sorry. Or for saying you’re sorry. And you’re paranoid all the time when around people. “Are they talking about me “” do they wish I wasn’t here” “do they even like me” etc. never really finding joy in anything because the thought of being happy is terrifying because you are just waiting for the other shoe to drop to take the happiness away again. And constantly asking yourself “is this as good as it will ever get”. I’ll never find anyone who will want to be with me the way I am. I’ve never been with anyone who has loved me for me. Unconditionally.

I don’t know if you do this but I self-sabotage, contemplate suicide and do not think I deserve “goodness.” I retired out of the Marine Corps after 20-yrs and 2 tours in Iraq, and constant sexual harassment/assault. My 1st tour was 04-05, 2nd 09-10, was diagnosed with PTSD and MDD 2-3 months of returning home from deployment. I did not attend my therapy sessions on a regular basis until I found out I was pregnant and told to stop taking my meds. Not taking my meds was crazy! Had my oldest child in 2012, start the meds again and stayed on them with my last 2 children, 2014 and 2015. Needless to say postpartum with my child born in 2014 was off the charts. I was pregnant during my retirement ceremony in 2015 and had my child 2-months later. Two years ago, I began to overcome some of the symptoms of C-PTSD, mind you, I still have them but I now have techniques that do not allow them to take charge. Those techniques do not always work, however they work more than less. I live (I refuse to say suffer) with C-PTSD, MDD, MST, Panic Disorder, Mild Cognitive Disorder-due to TBI. For everyone like me, you matter, you own it it doesn’t own you and I am here for you.